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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Idle Thoughts Before Hip Surgery

I am scheduled to have a hip 'refinishing' surgery on my left hip the day after tomorrow.  It has been scheducled for a while and, like most things far off in the future I never gave it any thought.  No operation is 100% safe and being a diabetic does not help either.

If things go well I should be up and about without hip pain in four to six weeks.  But, what if everything does not go well?   What if I drift off to sleep prior to surgery and just never wake back up?  At one time that thought would have terrified me.  It no longer holds that feeling.  Perhaps it is just the fact and I've come to face the fact I will die sometime.  I guess when we are young we know in our mind that death awaits us all but it takes an older person to to look at death not as a great enemy but as a prospective friend.

Ok, I'm not depressed and I am not having suicidal thoughts.  Personally, it is my belief that suicide would be the one unforgivable sin.  Per the Bible all one has to do for forgiveness is repent and ask for it.  That would be rather difficult if you're dead.  Then I'm not much of believer in the Bible.  But, I still think suicide is not an answer except for those so far gone in illness that nothing will stop the pain.  I think we should let those people choose to die with dignity and end their own suffering.

Still, I can't help thinking how peaceful it would be to just gradually fade away and be at peace then just fade away entirely.  It certainly would have it's advantages.  Not having to deal with the stress at work and always wondering when the higher ups decide to cut the work force again.  No more feeling like I can never do anything right at home.  No more pain, physical or emotional.  I have a decent amount of life insurance so my survivors would all get something.   No more worries at all.  Shame what with one being dead one could never realize that peace.

Since I don't have a living will or have not given anyone a medical power of attorney I have to fill our an "advance directive" at the hospital so the doctors know what to do should things go completely awry.  What to put on it is quite simple to me.  If something were to occur to cause brain damage then just let me go.  Without my mind I would not be me anyhow.  No 'heroic measures' to save me and lave me lying like a vegetable in a hospital bed for however long it would take. 

Everyone I've talked with who has had this surgery tells me they wonder why they did not have it done sooner.  A woman in one of the offices of the company I work for told me yesterday she had the same surgery done last year and now could run, ride a bike and even play tennis with no pain.  That 'no pain' thing appeals to me. 

It seems my body is dead set against having this surgery.  First I have had a devil of a time getting all the medical releases sent.  Then a couple of weekends ago I suddenly got a rash on top of my left foot and a rather large place on my right leg just above the ankle.  I went to my doctor on that Monday and he gave me a prescription for some cream to put on it and for Lyrica.  He said Lyrica would clear up about any kind of rash.

I had an appointment with a kidney doctor a few days later and when I told her about the Lyrica she burst out laughing.  She said Lyrica would do nothing to help those places.  But, I'm still taking them as prescribed since they give me a nice buzz.  So, my rash is almost totally gone and the place on my right leg is considerably smaller.  So NOW I have taken somewhat of a chest cold.  I definetely have to slide that by the surgeon lest he reschedules the surgery.  Thank goodness for DayQuil and Tylenol.  Plus the whatever it is I  have to coat the inside of my nostrils with for four days leading up to surgery.  I think it is an anit bacterial agent.

They are really paranoid about getting and infection in the hospital and I understand they will be loading me up with antibiotics prior to and after the surgery takes place.  I don't want an infection but they said to not even have a dntal cleaning before surgery. 

So, I'm sitting here hoping my cold and that spot on my leg gets well by tomorrow morning when I have to see the surgeon for the final OK on my surgery.  If he cancels and reschedules it then it will cost me another $2,600 or so out of pocket due to an sinsurance change.

Well, time for more DayQuil.  :-)  Keeping my fingers crossed.