There is No Place Like Home (Click, Click)

A couple of things have gotten me to thinking about home and what home really is.  There are plenty of definitions from, "Home is where you hang your hat" to "Home is where they have to take you in when nobody else will.".  Like most things in real life, cute and witty sayings are pretty superficial. 

I'm fifty-nine years of age now and I've never had a place where I felt "at home".  I had a variety of homes in my childhood and a greaer variety of homes since adulthood.  Those have all bust been places where I stayed until the next place came along. 

I have been in the house where I live now for fifteen years.  That is over twice as long as I ever lived in one single place in my life.  Prior to this place the longest I was ever in one place was six years.  Then only a couple of times.  There has always been one reason or another for moving on.  However, I think my moving on days have passed me by and where I live now will be my "home" until I no longer have any need of a home any where.

None of the many places I've lived has ever felt like "home" to me.  They are just a house, a mobile home, an apartment where I live at any given time.  So, what is there about all these places that has kept me from feeling "at home' there?  I guess the first thing one would need to do would be to define "home".

Home is not a physical place, no house, not trailer, no apartment is "home".  "Home" is a feeling.  It is a feeling of comfort, of belonging, of loving and being loved.   Perhaps a feeling of being understood, being welcomed at all times and this could be the finest mansion or the meanest hovel.  Home is definitely not a place.

During my formative years we moved around quite a bit and I never fit in any of the places we lived if there were people around.  I was always and outsider to my peers whom I shared little to nothing with except being the same chronological age. 

Being in school was always stressful to me.  Being an outcast does that to a person.  Being "at home" was really not any better as I was a chicken's wishbone caught in an endless tug of war between my parents.  Even with them I felt like an outcast for one reason or another.  Though they both confided in me they would some day leave the other and "take me away" and it would then be just "me and them".  For me, living with both parents was trial enough but being forced to live with only one of them would have  been worse.  Much worse.

These circumstances lead me to spending as much time as possible away from my house.  At least that was a different time and I was free to wander the woods by myself whenever I wanted.  And, I wanted an awful lot.  The forests of Eastern Kentucky were where I felt the most peace in my life.  I was far away from the other kids who never liked me anyhow and my parents who aggraved hell out of me for several reasons.  I ate there and slept there but any other time I preferred not to be there.

Without going into unnecessary detail I can say even after my teen years I really never felt at home whereever I happened to live.  I was noticing today on the way to work and looking over the mostly flat South Carolina countryside and feeling how alien it all looked to me even though I've lived here for twenty seven years now. 

Over the years I've often wondered what it would have been like to grow up in a "normal" family filled with love and respect for everyone.  Perhaps it is the alienation from my early years that does not allow me to be comfortable any where and to feel "at home" any where.  The things that happen to us in our pre-teen and teen years have a profound effect on the rest of our lives.  Even when we realize that we still cannot change it as it has become a part of who we are.

I lived in Kentucky for thirty two years and I don't fit in there and have never felt at home there.  I've lived here in South Carolina a further twenty seven years with those same feelings.  And, as I get older, I think I'm growing more and more  reluctant to step outside my little cocoon no matter how mcuh I want to at times.  Maybe I just need new medications.  But, I find my ability to feel anything at all is fading over time.  Love, lust, anger, hate, fear or even interest in a lot of things is quickly becoming beyond me. 

I once envied those who felt comfortable in their own skins and seemed to fit in with family and friends.  Now I don't even feel that.  Yet, in my own purely academic way, I do wonder what it would be like to have a home.

The First in My Series on Stupid Commercials on TV

It is brief.  Does not take a long time to point out idiocies in a TV commercial.  Today is Folger's Coffee.  First, we see a woman having a cup of coffee in her kitchen when the phone rings.  It is her husband calling (just how lazy have we become?) from the tent in the back yard.

Then we see her walking down the steps from the back deck with the cell phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.  Next she gets to the tent and all of a sudden she has no cell phone and TWO cups of coffee. 

Ok, I suppose she could have stuck the phone in her pocket but she darned sure did not have an extra cup of hot coffee stuck in there.    Where did it come from? 

"The best part of waking up is Folgers in  your (mysteriously appearing from nowhere) cup".

I've Always Said...

... some people are just too stupid to live.

There is a LOT of hate in this world and most of it is for stupid things.  White people hate people who are not white.  People who are not white hate white people and others who are not white but are not "black enough" or not "Muslim enough" or not whatever you think YOU are.  Those are all BAD reasons to hate a fellow human.

Now days its popular to hate people who don't have the same gender identity you choose to ascribe to them based on genitalia  Let me inform you all that is D-U-M-B.   Don't waste your time hating people who have different countries of origin, practice different religions, have a different level of  pigmentation, view sexuality through a different looking glass than you.  Hate STUPID people.  Don't BE a STUPID PERSON.

If you were born in the good old US of A and had the privilege  of attending a school here for at least the number of years until you were sixteen and had the option of choosing to be stupid you have NO reason to be mangling your own language.  You have NO reason to NOT know where different countries lie in the world.  You have NO reason to blame anyone else for your own shortcomings.  YOU have had the opportunity to succeed that millions of people in this world risk their lives to have and never get.

South Carolina is full of STUPID PEOPLE.  They just elected to Congress an admitted cheater who used state funds to visit his South American mistress.  Who was recently caught trespassing on his ex-wife's private property, who has ZERO redeeming traits.  Why did they elect him?  He is a Republican and in this state they'd elect Adolf Hitler if he ran on the Republican ticket.

I admit I generally consider Republicans to be genetically defective but South Carolina Republicans fail the test to be even marginally aware of the world around them.  Oh, by the way, South Carolina STILL flies the Confederate Battle Flag on Statehouse grounds.  How does a state so damn backward get away with flying a symbol of hatred and rebellion against the United States on the Statehouse grounds?  Because people are too stupid to live.

Stop hating people for SILLY reasons.  You can't help what the pigmentation of your skin is (unless you are pale and trying to deliberately die of skin cancer).  Unfortunately, your parents probably choose your religion and most people are too weak to decide their own way.  You can't help where you were born.  But, by <insert mythical deity here> you can CHOOSE to educate yourself and stop being stupid.

If you don't know the difference between "there", "their", "they're" or "infer" and "imply" or you casually use "your" when "you're" is appropriate  and you are American born you have WASTED the opportunity given you to be educated.  Ever wonder why you NEVER get called in for that job interview?  Employers do not hire STUPID people by choice.  Well, except McDonalds' and they love stupid people.  Both in front of and behind the cash register.

There are opportunities out there.  Take advantage of them.  Use adult continuing education, read books, don't take FOX News or MSNBC or CNN's word for anything.  LOOK IT UP!!!! See for yourselves what is going on.

And for <insert imaginary deity here> LEARN TO EFFIN' DRIVE!!!!!

Have a nice day.  :-)