Obvious Truths

I was sitting here a few minutes ago waiting for the PC to finish booting up and looking at the desktop background I have of my youngest grandson when he was a little under one month old and one of those epiphanies (which should be an obvious truth) struck me.

I've always said all a parent can reasonably hope for his or her children is for them to be happy.  I had all those common hopes for my two girls:  graduate from college, marry a fine man, have healthy and happy children.   Now, neither of them graduated from college but the rest of it has all been fulfilled.  They both have married good men who have yet to do a single thing to make me believe they could have done better.  Both are good husbands and good fathers and both my girls seem to be happy with them

I have four grandchildren now, three boys and a girl (who will without fail be very spoiled).  While two of the grandsons have some issues health wise there is nothing horrible going on.  My grandchildren have been born into loving, two parent homes and whether they appreciate it now I'm sure the time will come when they realize how fortunate they have been.

My first obvious truth of the day is I dearly love my family and I'm content with how their lives are going.  Does not seem to be something one would have to think about does it?  I guess that is what and obvious truth is though it might be obscured by everyday events in life.

The second obvious truth is (and this one I've realized for quite some time) I'm not a particularly good father or grandfather.  I love my kids and my grandchildren but I do not see much of them.  My daughter lives in Mississippi and I have never gone to see them there.  I did go to see them when each of the boys were born but now I only see them for a brief while when they come to South Carolina.  My other daughter only lives across town and I do not see her and her family much more often.  I wish I could say my life is so busy I don't find the time to make a forty minute drive.  But, I cannot do that and remain even remotely honest.  The fact is though I have been on depression medication for the past fifteen plus years I still have most day when I find it difficult to even get out of the house.

My depression and introverted persona have been something my kids have had to deal with though they may not have understood it.  I look at the photo of my youngest grandson and realize how much of my children's lives I missed and how much of my grand children's lives I am missing.  And, even as I realize this I know I will still, mostly, be unable (or unwilling) to get out of the house.

I have many physical problems but I think, over all, my mental ones have been more harmful to myself and those I love than any physical problem I have had.  And, I know for me depression is not something one ever gets over completely no matter what those silly, happy television commercials show.  One takes one's medication to stay at least minimally functional but...   Depression is always there bringing it's darkness and building a cage around me that I cannot escape.

I guess that might not be an obvious truth though it probably should be.