Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Little Introspection

I used to tell people that in spite of getting multiple 'whippings' almost every day of my life until I learned the signs that meant "back off NOW" I was a well behaved child.  I guess I did not get into as much "mischief" as others my age but that stems from one source.  Pure fear. 

Really, my only semblance of conscience was if I would get caught or not.  And if caught could I lie my way out of it.  I don't think I was deliberately malicious but I just never understood or thought about the consequences. Now, I do understand and think about the consequences but I still do not have what I would call much of a conscience.  My only "moral compass" is the Golden Rule.  Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.  Of course that was only as long as it did not interfere with what I wanted to do.

My very first memory of my sister was at the little, log cabin where I was born.  I remember her sitting on the porch with her feet on the top step with my dad on the left whipping her with his belt and my mother on the right side whipping her with a 'switch'.  I later found  out it was because she had "sassed" my mother.   I learned early to not cross my parents or to do my darnedest to make sure I was not caught doing it. 

I have mentioned being born to older parents but that is not the only thing that contributed to my outlook on life.  My mother was a very devout Jehovah's Witness.  My father was a 30 year Navy veteran who despised the Jehovah's Witnesses.  As you may guess  this caused some stress in our house.  Sometime I'll delve more deeply into that as it has a very strong influence on my life post 1975.   Now, though I'm just reflecting on my indifference to what other people considered 'right and wrong'.  To me it was only wrong if it affected me in a negative way and completely right if it was something I wanted to do.

Though,  all in all, I don't think I was ever really trying to hurt anyone or cause anyone any real problems I would do things which did hurt people and did cause them real problems.  I won't detail any of those things here as the 'blow by blow' account would serve no purpose and would involve too many who are still alive.   I was once told there are just some things you take to the grave.  I believe when I get there I'll have to check a couple of bags and try to sneak in an over sized carry on.

However, I also grew up with the saying, "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."  I've done the time on a couple of occasions in a literal way and I've done the time most of my life in a more metaphorical sense.  Nothing in life is free but we sometimes do not see what the price is until after we've done it. 

1 comment:

  1. You sound like Haydn. If I had a degree, I would diagnose you with Aspergers.

    When asked what he should do if he notices a far in the neighbor's house, Haydn responded, "I should go in my house and try not to get burned."

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