As hard as it is for me to grasp the concept of having crossed the center point of my life and rapidly moving down hill to the conclusion, some events create a stark reminder of that state of affairs. The latest event was this past Sunday when my baby girl got married.
She is twenty-three years old and has a good head on her shoulders. She married a man I like and approve of. They have the most wonderful baby girl in the world who I am saddened by the likely hood I will not be around to see her growing up. At least, not all the way to adulthood. My grandsons are a good bit older so I might have a shot at that. But, at the rate the old body is failing I would not bet the farm on it.
My elder daughter has been married for almost ten years now and she married a man I also like and approve of though the two son-in-laws are vastly different people. I believe they both will make great husbands and fathers and, in the end, that is the most important thing. I should know as I've not been particularly good at either.
See, the thing is, other than the aches and pains and such I do not feel one whit different that I've felt for the last forty years or so. Then I look in a mirror or see a photograph and have to stop in shock and sheer disbelief that the person I see there is me. I just cannot fathom being this old.
Then, my body speaks up and reminds me just how old it feels no matter how young my mind thinks it is. I take too many pills for too many things and even the strongest ones will not stop the pain. The physical kind at least. I have some of the other kind as well and I've found nothing yet which will take that kind of pain away though I keep trying.
But, this is, much like me, rambling and beside the point. I'm not much of an emotional person. Over all I really don't feel a lot of things. When my elder daughter got married I don't recall getting emotional at all. Maybe, it was because we had such a complete practice before hand and I was prepared. She was nervous and I was being the "strong, calm" presence. But, much to my own surprise while walking my youngest one down the isle I found I had tears in my eyes.
I found that a little surprising. I was not sad. She was not doing something I disapproved of nor marrying a man I disapproved of. I am happy they found each other and wish them and my granddaughter (and any more in the future) the best of all possible lives. So, why the tears?
Thinking about it, perhaps when your youngest is all the way out of the nest and flying on her own it signifies an ending of a portion of our own lives. It is a line of demarcation between those years of youth and parenthood and those years that come after that. However few or many they may be.
Then, again, maybe I'm just all full of crap and more sentimental and emotional than I like to pretend.
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