Being Torn

Having read some posts and some articles I feel inclined to relate one experience I had while in the sixth grade.  At this time we lived in the "big" white house in "Burgler" hollow (holler) in West Van Lear.  I always sat at the dining room table to do my homework.  My bed time was only 8:30 but I was not allowed to go to go bed until after my home work was finished.

This particular evening was one where my parents were fighting.  And, as usual, it was over me.  So many times I can recall my mother telling me she was going to take me and go a way and it would just be she and I.   On other occasions it was my dad telling me basically the same thing.  At this point in time I guess I still loved both my parents and had not learned the futility of loving anything.  By this time it should have been growing "like a weed".  I can't recall just exactly how old I was then other than being in the sixth grade.  I recall I had done all my other homework and was doing my math.  It was getting pretty heated and all I really wanted was to be out of there and in bed.

That next day I turned in my homework as usual.  Now, at that time, things had not really "clicked" with me yet but I was still not a bad student.  Mostly A's and an occasional B.  Heaven help me if I brought home anything like a C or a D and death awaited for an F.

My teacher, Tom Hummer, called me to his desk after having graded our math problems and wanted to know what was wrong with me.  I went from getting everything right to getting nothing right.  He said it was not like me.  I guess it wasn't.  But, it was the result of my desire to just escape no matter what.  So, I told him the truth.  I could not leave until I had my homework done so I just put down anything so I could say it was done and I could get away.

I really don't know what happened from that but afterward my parents were much less prone to fight about me while I was around.  May Mr. Hummer talked to them.  I don't know.  Nobody ever said anything at all about it afterwards. 

I grew up in a time and place where teachers were feared rather than loved or respected.  I think Mr. Hummer was a pretty decent person though.  Most teachers really are that or they would not be teachers.    I guess parents only want the best for their kids though, sometimes, the disagreements on what is best can take a toll on everyone involved.  Just that adults are more equipped to deal with those conflicts than children are.  And, adults don't always understand that.

And, for sure, children do not understand that.  It is only many years later when looking back they/we see things as they were at the time.  Maybe we never do for we do not have the ability to experience the childhood of our parents and that is so much responsible for the way they are.  I know the way my parents were is responsible in a great way for the way I was with my own children.  We either become as much  unlike our parents as we can or we just become them for another generation.  I hope I was different for if I just became my parents I have failed my children miserably.