Perhaps it is not fair to Christmas to blame my holiday depression on it solely. My depression is more genetic than external. Yet it is always worse at the holidays. Perhaps it is just my normal reaction to anyone telling me how I should feel or act. Holidays are wonderful times and one should feel all joyous and happy. My normal (is that a contradiction in terms?) Van Hoose contrariness kicks in big time and I refuse to be happy, joyous or anything this fake holiday demands.
I just cannot believe how even intelligent people fall down on their knees to worship at the altar of greed and excess demanded by our possession driven society and perpetuated by the very church which should be up in arms debunking it. But, then, I've known the average human is too stupid to live any how. I should not be surprised how fully and easily they fall for the hokum and embrace it all with joy.
Really, though, I guess the fake holiday season had little to do with my depression. It's roots run far deeper than just that shallow pool. No, my depression goes much deeper than any external influences can explain. It is a part of me as are my eyes, my ears and my (unfortunately) active mind. There is a reason why genius and short lives go together. They (we) just get tired. Tired in a way the body never can. Not really even a tiredness of the mind. Just a general tiredness. An all embracing tiredness where there is no prospect of rest. Just more tiredness.
Seems like a mighty poor future. LOL. One not worth hoping for I'd say.
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