Sunday, December 8, 2013

Thoughts While Turning Sixty

Today I turned sixty years of age.  That is not really old and it most assuredly is not very young, yet it is thirty-nine years older than I ever thought I'd be.  I'll not go into those reasons her but suffice to say they seem somewhat silly now but were quite real to me at the time.

I had a very nice lunch with my younger daughter, my son-in-law and my grandson (Tyrus) at a local bar-b-que place.  It was very nice.  Only thing that would have made it better is if my elder daughter and her family could have been there as well.  Seems the older I get the more I realize how little anything matters other than family.

That makes today a day for reminiscing; for contemplation and reflection.  But, for me, that is an every day process.  I am constantly reminiscing, contemplating and reflecting as well as reassessing and adapting to those thoughts and new information.  I think everyone should do that.  What we knew at twenty is not what we knew at thirty, forty, fifty or, in my case, sixty and I would imagine it is not what I'll know should I make it to seventy.

I've seen many changes in myself and in society in my lifetime.   Some of them were very good and some of them were very bad but most of them were just changes.  That is life, you know.  Change.  So, today, I'm going to reflect on some of the changes I've witnessed in my life.

My own father was born in nineteen ought two.  He came into the world a year before the Wright brothers flew at Kitty Hawk.  He exited the world in nineteen ninety two having seen two world wars, two "conflicts" which were wars with all the horrors of war without being given the name, men setting foot on our moon as well as many of our modern wonders.

I was born on December eighth, nineteen fifty three at three fifteen in the afternoon.  I came into the world in a little, log cabin in the hills of eastern Kentucky.  And, no, I'm not Abe Lincoln.  But, that is how I came to be in this world.  I was delivered by my grandmother who was a midwife and who delivered most of her grand kids and many of her great grand kids.  We were really far back in "the sticks" and a half century behind the rest of the country.

Hospitals were not something easily accessible.  In fact there is very little that was easily accessible except hills, tree, and creeks.  And, family.   We lived in the midst of family, both close and extended.  

My father spent thirty years in the US Navy from nineteen ought two until nineteen fifty two.  I was born in nineteen fifty three when he was fifty one years of age.  My mother was forty one years of age.  They were sure my mother was too old to conceive so did not take precautions and along came me.  I was an accident and not a planned child.  This was always pointed out to me.  I'm sure there was no malice intended yet it does leave an impression on a young mind.

Then, on top of that, (so they say) they could not get me to breathe when I was born for some time.  Because of that, so my mother told me, I was mentally retarded due to lack of oxygen to my brain.  So I grew up knowing I was unwanted and mentally deficient.  In later years I've wondered what I could have done had I been "normal".

If I am not mistaken when my dad retired from the US Navy after thirty years his pension was about forty-four dollars a month.  And, with that he took care of myself, my older brother and sister as well as my mother's parents. 

Today that sounds completely unbelievable but times were different and things were much cheaper.  Plus, my dad owned our house and, I  think, my grandparent's house.  We had electricity but that was all the modern conveniences.  We heated with coal my parents dug from a small coal mine on my dad's property.  We has a well and an outhouse.  My mother raised a huge garden as did my grandparents and my day hunted game nearly every day.  We always had food of some kind or other.  We did not have a lot but we did always have food.

A good part of our local roads were in creek beds.  The saying we would do something, "Good Lord willing and the creek don't raise" was literal.  When the creek was "up" it was a path around the side of the hills or nothing.  But, it was completely normal to me.  That was what I was born into and the only thing I knew.  And, it was not a bad way of life.   Not always, at least.  I have had experiences not a lot of people in this day and age can claim.  And, I think the world would be a lot better off had more people experienced my kind of environment.  But, with more loving parents.

In other places in this blog I've talked in more detail about my childhood and how I grew up.  I'll not go into it all again now.  But, today is a day for remembering.  Not all my memories are good.  In fact, most of my memories until I was an adult are not good.   But, those things are all in the past and not worth lingering over.  What does not kill us makes us stronger they say.  I guess both my brother and I are both a lot stronger as would our sister have been had she not passed away far too young from lupus.  Still, she was strong even in her dire straights. 

But, today, I can be thankful for the many things I have which are good.  I have a good job in this time of economic uncertainty. I have two wonderful daughters whom I love dearly and who have married men whom I approve and feel will be good husbands and fathers long after I'm gone and forgotten.

I have four wonderful grand children and another grand son on the way.  All in all, I should not complain.  I have had my share of problems but there are so many others in this world who have had their own share plus a lot of other people's. 

I have a nice home, a good wife, great kids and grand kids.  I have food on my table every day.  I have clean water to drink and bathe in.  I have many health problems but I have good doctors and good insurance and modern medicine to help take care of them all.  I have not attended college but I have a good education because I learned early the value of reading and have read anything and everything just about all my life.

I have lived in a time which has come to value diversity in thought and culture and appreciates the beauty that every one of them.  I  hope I have lead my children to look for the beauty rather than the dark side which every culture also has.  I hope they will teach the same to their children and so pass it on down the line where each generation is better than the last. 

With all the problems of life I know I have truly been blessed.  And, I do appreciate it all.  I would like to live long enough to be a great-grand parent but nothing is promised us.  If I don't it will not be a tragedy for the world.  I am just a microscopic spec in the grand scheme of things.  Stick your finger in the water in a bath tub then pull it out.  That is the hole we leave in this world when we depart it.  Really, all we have is to love those close to  us and enjoy the love of those who do love us.  Wanting more if futile.  No matter what else we may have we have  nothing more valuable than the love of our family.


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